Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
3pm strippers are depressing
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
