just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Randomize
