Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
