i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
