I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Someone shit on the floor
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
