Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
