I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
