i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
