hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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