Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
