Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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