he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
