she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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