Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
