Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
