what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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