I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
