I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
