Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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