Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
