i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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