a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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