listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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