Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
