I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
