I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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