2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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