the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
