I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
