I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
