I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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