You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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