He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
