do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
