Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
