im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
