this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
