the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
