Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
