sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
