so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
