Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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