Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
