Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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