just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
