Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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