i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She just used a chaser for red wine.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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