and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
