After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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