just come out here and I will go home with you...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
